


the space between us is finite

by hqten



Series: ten's sakuatsu angst week 2021 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Comfort, Hurt, M/M, but not really, kiyoomi needs to learn how to communicate pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 09:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hqten/pseuds/hqten
Summary: "Am I not enough?” Atsumu studies Sakusa’s face for a reaction. He bites his lip, which isn’t reassuring."You’re enough. You’re more than enough. In fact-” Sakusa hesitates. "Sometimes, you’re too much.”
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: ten's sakuatsu angst week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204862
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	the space between us is finite

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh this one ended up being really dialogue heavy oops
> 
> sakuatsu angst week, day four, prompt three : 'am i not enough?'

Atsumu wakes up to the sound of the front door closing and knows he’s too late. Sakusa has already gone for his morning run and once again, left without inviting Atsumu. Atsumu had asked to join him a few times, and was always met with the same answer.

"Wake up on time. I’m not waking you up.”

He’s tried, he really has. But Sakusa keeps going out earlier and earlier and it feels like he’s doing everything possible to stop Atsumu from joining him. Atsumu rubs his eyes and looks at the clock on the wall of their room. It’s half past three.

It's half past three in the morning and Sakusa is out running. There’s no doubt about it; Sakusa doesn’t want Atsumu to accompany him.

He’s too tired to be angry, so he rests his head back against his pillow and makes a note to bring this issue up whenever Sakusa gets back.

He wakes up again to see Sakusa in their room, dressed in his usual running clothes.

"Hey, Omi.”

"Good morning.”

"It’s pretty early, ain’t it?”

"It is.”

"Kiyoomi, it’s four am. Why are ya running at four am?”

"There’s less traffic.”

"Bullshit. You don’t want me to come with you.”

"Atsumu-”

"Why?” Atsumu asks. "Do you not like me anymore? is that it?”

"No, listen-”

"Am I not enough?” Atsumu studies Sakusa’s face for a reaction. He bites his lip, which isn’t reassuring.

"You’re enough. You’re more than enough. In fact-” Sakusa hesitates. "Sometimes, you’re too much.”

"What do you mean?”

Sakusa sighs and sits down on the end of the bed.  
"I like being with you. But-”

"But?”

"But sometimes, I need space. Running has always been how I clear my mind. And I would like to be alone.”

"And you couldn’t just tell me that? why’d ya hafta try and be secretive?”

Sakusa frowns.  
"I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

"Funnily enough, this kinda hurts more.”

"I’m sorry.”

"You know-” Atsumu groans in frustration. "Yer allowed to say if ya don’t like something.”

"I thought you would take it the wrong way.”

"I’d take it exactly as you meant it. Yeah, we’re together, but we’re still two people. It’s okay if ya want to do stuff without me. You can have your space.”

"Thank you,” Sakusa whispers. "I’m glad that you’re okay with it.”

"You know what i’m not okay with?”

Sakusa stops and blinks.  
"What?”

"You waking up at three am. It makes the bed colder.”

"What are you saying?”

Atsumu lifts his arms up, a wide grin appearing on his face.  
"Get back in here. I miss you.”

"Alright.”

That should have been the end of it. After their talk that morning, that should have been the end of it.

It isn't. Sakusa starts to ask for more time alone. He sleeps on the couch instead of in their bed. He stays out later and later. They spend so little time together that it’s like they’re not dating; the most they communicate is during practice, and that’s limited at best.

Atsumu wants to bring the matter up again. He manages to grab Sakusa before he disappears for his evening run.  
"Omi.”

"Is there a problem?”

"You going running again?”

"Yes.”

"Second time today?”

"Yes.” Sakusa glances at him. "Are you keeping count?”

"Are you avoiding me?”

Sakusa sets his jaw.  
"We’ve talked about this. I want space.”

"Nah, we talked about you going for a run at three am. We ain’t talked about you hating me so much that ya can’t bear to be in the same room as me.”

"I don’t hate you.”

"What about the other thing I said?”

"We’re in the same room right now.”

"Only because I made an effort to see you before you left. Omi, be honest with me. What happened?”

"Nothing happened.”

"What changed?”

Sakusa’s eyes glance away.  
"To be honest, I don’t think anything changed.”

"What’s that supposed to mean? You’ve always been like this? You’ve been faking loving me all this time?”

"I never faked loving you.”

Atsumu breathes out shakily.  
"Do you love me more when i’m not around?”

"I love you wherever you are.”

"That’s not a good thing,” Atsumu says. "You saying that you love me regardless of whether i’m with you or not makes me think that you’re only in love with the idea of me.”

"That wasn’t my intention.”

"What the fuck is your intention? Running away and pretending that I don’t exist?”

Sakusa whirls his head around.  
"You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

"Answer my question. Do you love me more when i’m not around?”

"I think so.”

"Fuck you.”

"I answered your question. Now if you’ll excuse me-” Sakusa starts towards the door. “-i’m going for a run. Alone.”

"I’m not a problem that you have to run away from!”

"What if you are?” Sakusa asks softly. "What if I love myself more when you’re not around? what if I don’t want a relationship with you anymore?”

"Stop saying what if and start telling me what I can do to fix it.”

"Nothing.”

Atsumu squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to cry. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t want to break down, especially not now.

The tears slide down anyway.

"Whaddya mean?” he says as best as he can through a sob. "Why can’t I fix this? Why can’t I make you love me again?”

"I love you. I don’t think I love you in the right way.”

"There’s no wrong way to love someone.”

"Then I don’t think I love you.”

"Okay,” Atsumu whispers. His remaining self-restraint shrivels up and he lets the tears flow freely, accompanied by a strangled cry. Sakusa watches him with an absent look in his eyes.

"I’m sorry.”

"Are you?”

"I’m sorry I no longer feel-”

"Aren’t ya sorry that you didn’t tell me before? Why’d ya hafta keep so many secrets?”

Sakusa doesn’t answer Atsumu’s question. He gestures vaguely towards the door, mumbles something inaudible, and leaves, closing the door behind him.

Space, Atsumu thinks. That’s what Sakusa had asked for, and that’s what he’d given him. But the space Sakusa wanted grew closer in size to a universe, until they were worlds apart.

it’s pretty lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)
> 
> find me on [twitter !!](https://twitter.com/hqtens)


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